can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
