So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
