I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
