Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
