If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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