Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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