I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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