she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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