uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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