I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I look better un-naked...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
