He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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