if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
