i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
