Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
