Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
