i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
