Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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