He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
