So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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