I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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