ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just pee around me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
