He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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