Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
