i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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