I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
