I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
