I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
