I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
not ubering you a puppy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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