I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
