This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You're like the curious george of whores
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
