I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
