Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
