Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
