my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
