I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
