Jerry, you need to find god
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
