I seem to have left my pride at pride
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
