so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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