Pappa wants mamma naked
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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