i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
