Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and she was petting her beer can
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
