We won't sleep together?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
