ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
