Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
