So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
