If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
