singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
