what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
