You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
