His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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