Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
