i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
